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Daily Inspiration: "Realize every moment in your life happened for the greater good of who you are, [that] can really elevate you and change your whole trajectory." -Tyler Perry

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Tyler Perry, originally uploaded by mleadon.

So many people start out at age 22 or 23, fresh out of college, with stars in their eyes and an eager desire to make their mark on the world.  Yet it doesn’t take long for plans to backfire and obstacles to get in the way, except for the very lucky ones.  People often become bitter or depressed, or at the very least apathetic and resigned to a life they feel imprisoned to live.
The sad thing is, most of these people are hard working and good-intentioned.  Despite what you hear on the news every night, I believe most people are still kind at heart and mean well.  After years of struggling, most just find it too hard to fight for their long-lost dreams.  Some find it difficult to dream at all anymore.
One of my role models is Tyler Perry, the actor, director, playwright, screenwriter, producer, author, and songwriter.  I had briefly watched him on Oprah before, but when I read his story in Success magazine this month, I was captivated:  The man grew up in an abusive household, tried to commit suicide as a youth, and was molested by several different people in his poor New Orleans community as a child.  He struggled writing for six years before he sold a catching play, taking jobs as a bill collector, a hotel housekeeper, and a used car salesman.
Today he is ranked No. 19 on Forbes’ Celebrity 100 list, and No. 3 based on his earnings.  He has starred in more than 10 movies, and even owns his own state-of-the-art production studio in Atlanta.
What we can learn from Perry goes beyond the trite and the obvious.  One of the strange lessons of life is that we tend to keep on facing the same types of obstacles and struggles until we learn to change something about ourselves.  The businessman who doesn’t realize he has a chip on his shoulder has conflicts at every job he obtains.  The divorcée who refuses to change often attracts the same pattern in relationships time and again.  Perry admits he had to call his father one last time to release a lot of the anger within before he found it possible to succeed externally.
The key is not to take yourself too seriously.  People identify themselves by their most exemplified traits, both positive and negative.  Someone who is curt and says inappropriate things to others may see himself as “aggressive” or “full of testosterone.” The woman who finds herself in abusive relationships may say she is “weak” or “attracted to the ‘bad boy'”.  We even become friends with people who have these same negative beliefs and attitudes, reinforcing them deeply into our collective psyche.
The problem is, clinging to negative beliefs will continue attract the same problems throughout our lives.  Opportunities arise in the form of difficulty for us to recognize our shortcomings and to learn and grow.   Yet we are almost always too stubborn to do so.
You can’t take yourself too seriously.  You have to realize that every obstacle is a mirror, reflecting your own shortcomings.  Even if a situation that is entirely not your fault – say, for instance, an abusive relationship – you have to recognize your need to gain the strength, courage, and resources to leave.  It may also be wise to work with a counselor to discover what personality traits you need to develop in order to attract a different type of partner in the future, such as assertiveness, confidence, an unwillingness to accept certain kinds of behavior, and the ability to recognize ‘warning signs’ early in a relationship.
The best way to identify your own shortcomings is to ask for criticism.  At first, it can be difficult and uncomfortable.  Start with just a few trusted family members and friends.  Some people will even tell you inaccurate information!   That’s why it’s crucial to ask for a wide array of opinions.  As one of my favorite quotes reads,  “If one person tells you you’re a horse , they are crazy. If three people tell you you’re a horse, there’s conspiracy afoot. If ten people tell you you’re a horse, it’s time to buy a saddle.”  (Jack Rosenblum)
Once you recognize your shortcomings, you can start to take ahold of your life.   Four years ago, I was scared to start a blog, fearful others might not like it.  Then the blog became successful, and I was like, “Whew!  The people love it.”  I was free of that fear until last month, when became afraid of expanding into new topics, even though my passion was strong.  Why?  I feared some of my readers might not like it.   Yet this time I knew to directly ask family and friends for criticism.  The overwhelming majority vote?  I worry about whether or not people like me too much.  (Wow, talk about exposing your true self on your blog!)  To live my best life, I have to learn to please myself first.  Otherwise, I’d be dealing with the fear of others’ opinions, a theme which would recur again and again, in random situations, throughout my entire life.
So what happens when you are able to face and amend your own shortcomings?  An almost magical thing happens:  You have all of this energy freed up to start to dream again. Of course, the pursuit of your new dreams presents all new dilemmas that bring up all kinds of interesting newfound characteristics about yourself to deal with again.  However, it’s a lot more fun than dealing with the same kind of problems repetitively, and you will start to feel like you are making progress in your life as you attract new people, situations, and even environments into your life.  Be patient – it does work.
Don’t take the bad times personally.  They are simply the results of your largely unthought actions.  You can change, and your life will too.
If you liked this post, you would probably like some of my favorite books:

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