I haven’t written a Follow Friday post for a few weeks, mainly because my life is changing pretty fast nowadays. I am not sure what exactly to write about, because I’m not sure exactly what my stance on certain things even is. That said, people often ask me about my Follow Friday posts or bring them up in random conversations, so I thought I would simply share where I am right now, and have been for the past seven months, without much ruminating on a deeper meaning, if that makes sense.
1. My baby is my new favorite person. It’s like falling in love. It’s all of the cliches, rolled into one.
2. I still like to take breaks from the baby — for work, for exercise, for nothing more than sometimes talking a walk or reading or shopping or doing something that brings me joy.
3. Sometimes that makes me feel guilty, but I realize the more we talk about these things as mothers, openly and honestly, the easier it will get for all of us.
4. I have a lot more dry cleaning now. I used to be able to go 2-3 wears of a nicer garment before needing a dry cleaning, but no. Now I’m lucky if I can make it 2-3 hours without getting something on my dress or suit.
5. I was never aware of just how many things there are for babies. Was I blind?! It’s unbelievable, the sections of stores and the things I was oblivious to before.
6. I had no idea “down came the rain and washed the spider out.” I just thought he went up the water spout, over and over again. Oops.
7. Children’s shows are terrible. Part of me wants to get a team of writer friends together, start writing a pilot for something that has a plot but is also aimed at children.
8. And then another part of me realizes I’m busy enough as it is, and I have no real interest in doing this.
9. I cry at everything now. I cried when he leaned on a piece of furniture and took a step on his own. I cried when I saw his first tooth. This is particularly alarming because I never cried joyful tears before.
10. One of my favorite things about being a startup CEO is that there is virtually no ceiling on what I can accomplish, what I can earn, or what I can do. Conversely, one of my least favorite things about being a mom is that there is virtually no floor to how bad I can feel about all of the things other moms seem to accomplish, earn, or do for their children.
11. New York City used to be my favorite place in the world. It made me feel more like myself, if that makes any sense. But I had a work trip there this week, and all I could think about was Anthony and how much I missed him. And I felt lost. (Well, correction, I felt a sigh of relief for the first half day, and then it turned to feeling sad, missing him, and ultimately, feeling lost).
12. Work has a different meaning now. Work used to define me, and define who I thought I was in the world. But now, now it’s a way to express myself, a means through which to achieve certain dreams, and something that I do to help support my family, but it’s not my everything.
13. A big part of that is I want to be a good role model for him, and I don’t want for him to feel like he has to live his life trying to prove anything to anyone, or being a workaholic. I want for him to live fully, in all aspects of life, but I realize I need to do that first in order to help him emulate it.
14. I understand aging differently now. I didn’t want to accept it before, but now I do. I’m not resistant to 18 years going by, and the not-so-desirable physical changes that may occur for me, if it means seeing my little boy get to become an adult.
15. I have a much greater appreciation for my own parents, as well as for anyone else who is a parent. I get it now.
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