There are all kinds of things in life I want: To travel more. Wear nicer clothes. Strut around in a pair of Prada shoes of my own. Have a husband, a child or two, a house with the types of things I keep pinning on Pinterest.
Somehow there is this certain degree of shame associated with telling people what you really want. This kind-of goes back to my post last week, Don’t Confuse Timidity for Humility. Some people will tell you that you are greedy. Unreasonable. Selfish. Self-centered. Narcissistic. Some people will imply that there’s something wrong with you for not being happy with what you already have.
But the truth of the matter is, there is absolutely no reason why you can’t have everything you want in life. Now, there is a disclaimer: You must pay the price, every step of the way. There is no skipping of steps, or else you end up with the consequences, which are sometimes unpleasant. But if you are willing to labor and sacrifice, there is no reason you can’t be, do, and have everything you want to in this life.
Which brings me to the secret: If you want something in life, just ask. That’s it.
Ask your boss for a raise, a promotion, or more responsibility.
Ask someone with your dream job to go to lunch, dinner, or coffee, and find out how they got started.
Ask your boyfriend what he thinks about marriage.
Ask your husband what he thinks about having children in the next year or so.
Ask stylish friends to borrow or swap designer clothes or decorative items.
Chances are, you will either get what you want, or you will get more information. If the answer is a no, you are no further behind than you were before you asked — after all, you weren’t traveling, wearing designer clothes, or getting married before you asked, and you’re still not after the other party said no. But at least you will know what actions you need to take to get closer to a yes. Maybe you need to save or earn more money, take on another project at work, date someone else, or move to a new location.
Maybe you need to revamp your life.
And yes, that’s scary, but at least you will know.
This applies to me recently with work. I’ve decided to take FutureDerm to the next level in blogging, and pour my heart and soul into it. Unfortunately, this also requires a lot of photography, which forced me to face up to the fact that my current weight, rumpled bangs, smeary makeup, and years-old clothes weren’t going to bring me any new fans.
I acknowledged that the fix was to get into better shape, have better hair and makeup, wear modern clothes, and be photographed in prettier settings.
So I asked. I asked for specials on a new gym membership. I asked friends and experts for hair and makeup advice. I asked clothing brands to donate or reduce the price on clothing for photo shoots. I asked my favorite furniture store to let us do photo shoots there in exchange for links back to their website.
Yes, there were some painful moments. The manager at the local Nordstrom seemed downright offended. (Oops.) But I made it clear I meant no disrespect and moved on.
At the end of the day, FutureDerm is better for it. I’m exercising at the gym. My hair and makeup look better. I have clothes on their way and elegant backgrounds for our photo shoots — all within my budget.
So the bottom line is this: Whatever it is that you want in life, ask. You’ll either get a yes (wahoo!) or a lesson on what the next step should be. Either way, you’re a winner for asking. Trust me.
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