Becoming a mother is like having everything you’ve ever known thrown into a tornado and then spit out. Your body. Your schedule. Your relationships. At times, your mind. It’s all never quite the same afterwards.
I went into motherhood thinking, as I normally do going into things, that I was going to be one of those moms that “got this.” I’m Type A, so I ran five times a week during pregnancy, kept it to under 2000 calories a day, planned a meticulous childcare schedule with a daycare, my parents, and my husband supporting me and my career, split up nights with my husband, and kept working up through and, yes, even during labor.
And there was no delight greater than seeing Anthony. All of those cliches, from “it’s so rewarding” to “you’ve never known love until you’ve had a baby”, all have come rushing back to me with truth in these first four months. It’s amazing. Having a son is truly the greatest thing I have ever done.
But then, at some point, I really hit a wall. Although we signed up with and made a deposit at a daycare, after having him, I didn’t want to do it, and I opted to bring him to work with me everyday, with a nanny in tow to help 3-4 days a week. (The other 1-2, I drop him off with my parents). After losing my baby weight, the weight loss reversed itself during the past month, and suddenly I gained eight pounds out of nowhere. I was tired all of the time. I was falling behind with work and missing a few key meetings. I found myself moody and irritable.
It was like I had to give up all of my plans and start all over. Not something I like to do.
At this point, I’ve had to regroup and rethink all of my priorities. There’s my old life and my new life. And as much as I didn’t want to lose control and have to change, I have had to in order to keep everything together.
The biggest adjustments, really, are that I don’t have time for anything right now except my business and my family. Anything else, from daily running to consistent networking and social events, I have to politely decline for a while. When I need a moment to regroup, I sleep, read a book, write in my journal, or get some childcare (husband, nanny, or my parents) and go and get my nails done once every three weeks. That’s life now, and that’s OK.
I’m not letting perfect be the enemy of good, and I’m dealing with my new lowered expectations outside of my family and my business. And in the meantime, if you’ve sent me a present and I haven’t sent you a thank-you card, or have called me and I haven’t returned your call, please know I will, but I need to do what I need to do for myself, my family, and my business right now.