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So my husband and I moved into a new house about two weeks ago. Actually, more accurately, my husband and I plus our Yorkshire Terrier, Emmie, and our Shih-Poo, Pookie, moved into our house together two weeks ago. (I realize that sounds extremely silly, but there you have it).
I’ve never lived in a super nice house before. Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money, so I grew up in a modest, ranch-style, two bed, one-and-a-half bath home in the suburbs of Pittsburgh. After living in a dorm for a year, I moved into an even smaller, Cape Cod-style, two bed, one bath home. And then, seven long years later, I met my husband. We prioritized paying off all debt — cars, grad school loans, you name it — before buying a home, so we lived in a very unassuming apartment in the city together for two-and-a-half years.
And then it came time to buy a home. We both work full-time (and, at many times, we work overtime). He’s incredible at what he does for a living (or at least I think so), and I work very hard to grow my businesses.
And so a childhood dream was realized: I could finally have a luxury home. I had dreamed about this since I was a little girl. I’ve been working my butt off since I was about twelve. And I have had a lot of stops and starts in my career, first starting in medicine, then transitioning to business, and then experiencing early growing pains there. So getting a home like ours was a pinnacle in my life for me, and it meant a lot more than just a nice place to live. It meant that all of that hard work had amounted to something meaningful to me.
And, admittedly, it also has been eye-opening to realize what having a luxury home doesn’t mean. Transitioning from a very modest 800-square foot apartment to a 2,000-square foot luxury condo was a blessing for sure, but it didn’t take away my issues in the way I thought it would. I always thought, “Oh, if I lived in a place like that, I’d never have any problems,” but it’s not true. One problem is that I realize you do, in fact, never stop dreaming. Now it’s more about furnishings and light fixtures and building out a workout room and a walk-in closet — it seriously never ends. I realize it’s key to be grateful, take deep breaths, and just go out and enjoy the view for a while. It’s hard for me, but it helps when I do it.
Another problem is that I think another part of me doesn’t feel deserving. In fact, I’ve been noticing I tend to apologize or feel sheepish about it whenever I have people over and show them around, pointing out places we need to still place furniture or things we have yet to repair. I think I need to learn how to accept success and where I am in life. I spend a lot of time wishing I was better at what I do and that my businesses were even bigger. Instead, I realize I need to be proud of where I am and feel more genuinely confident — my feelings around the house are just a microcosm of that.
As one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Strayed, says, “The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherf*cking sh^t out of it.” I love that so much. Being brave and confident and becoming all I can be in life is so important — and loving the house and accepting it is mine and realizing I deserve it is just one small part of that. But it’s a start.
Anyway, this is my home. Thank you for sharing in my journey with me.
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