I don’t really have a theme for this week. Not the most eloquent way to begin a blog post, but there you have it. Just some thoughts on expectations, parenting, and more:
1.) I am tossing other people’s expectations out the window.
Being a mom is a crazy thing. It’s like, for the first time in my life, society’s expectations are no longer very high standards, but they’re downright impossible. There’s pressure to work and kick butt at work, pressure to not work and devote yourself to your home and your children. Pressure to keep a clean home, pressure to invite people (especially people with children) over. Pressure to cook, pressure to stay thin. Pressure to exercise and look great, parenting pressure to spend as much time as possible with your children. Blah blah blah blah blah.
It’s just nuts. I was always a people pleaser, but now it’s like, uhhh, no thanks. Not even going to try all that…
I took this one from Jessie James Decker: “I can work, or I can look good, or I can clean. Which two do you want? I can’t do all three.” Plus be a good mother, of course. I absolutely hate cleaning, so we hired someone for that (yay!), and now I work, try to stay healthy and look presentable, and of course spend time with Anthony and my husband Gabe. And that makes me happy, and, for me, that’s enough.
2.) Parenting with Anthony
Anthony now says “mama,” “dada,” “ba” for bottle, “da” for Daniel Tiger, “h” for letters, “8” for other letters, “go go go” when he wants to leave, and, my personal favorite, “book”. He says it all the time and loves it when I read to him. It melts my heart, because I love reading so much, and I’m so glad he’s enjoying it too (at least for now).
I keep on trying to keep my Type A perfectionistic tendencies out of parenting. (That’s for the business, right?) And sometimes it’s hard, but I think I’m doing ok with it. More than anything, I want to teach Anthony that anything is possible for him, to work hard and persevere for whatever he wants in life, and to have a safe place in our home for him to be as accepted and understood and loved as possible as he grows and develops. And in order to do the last part, I realize that I have to not dream for him or set his goals for him. He has to grow and mold his own future. And I hope I’m able to be present and not ambitious for him. I want him to make his own decisions, to become his own person.
3.) The Tired Parenting Thing
I don’t know what it is. I have ample help — my husband, my nanny, my parents — and the baby sleeps through the night about 50% of the time now. But it’s like I’m exhausted a lot of the time.
I think it’s like cumulative sleep deprivation — 2-4 hours lost per night in the beginning, and now it’s more like 1-2, but I think it adds up. I never understood why moms loved concealer so much. Now it’s like, ohhhhh! I get it!!! I mean, granted, I do have a lot of help and a lot of access to great skincare, and I don’t mean to complain. But, if we are giving a snapshot of this particular phase of my life, fatigue is definitely a part of it. But, I’m pacing, and one day at a time (and the occasional nap here or there), I’m making it through, doing well at home and at work.
4.) Positive People Matter.
I’m usually fairly upbeat, or at least energetic, but when I’m wiped out from work and parenting and life, I find that being around people with good energy helps. I never really got that advice before — I happen to really like some people who are kind-of dark or brooding or cynical — but when you’re tired and depleted and hanging by a thread some days, positivity really does help.
5.) You Gotta Keep Dreaming.
How quickly people give up on their dreams astounds me lately. I’m in my 30’s and it’s like, most people have forgotten we were in grad school 5 years ago and college just 11 years ago. People act like we’re old, done, that this is it. What the hell?! I’m just getting started. This is meant, by the way, as a word of encouragement — I’m a bit angsty about it, but you really can’t give up on your entire 40-50 year career and your dreams after just one decade in the workforce or after 15 years of adult life. Drives me nuts.
Anyway, these are my thoughts. Look forward to some big changes with FutureDerm soon!!!