Unattractive, originally uploaded by Danielle Griffin.
According to a 2011 study published in the journal Social, Psychological, and Personality Science, it’s a lackadaisical, “I don’t care” attitude. Â Men of the 21st century, it seems, are most attracted to women with purpose and meaning in their lives.
In the study, headed by Tyler Stillman, a psychologist at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, UT, men and women were surveyed on video about their meaning in life. Â Brief footage of the interviews were shown to a group of judges. Â The stronger the participants’ clear purpose in life, the more likable they were considered to be. Â This held true regardless of their scores in other measured parameters, including self-esteem, spirituality, openness, happiness, or physical attractiveness.
“For participants who were of average or below average attractiveness, having a strong sense of meaning made them significantly more appealing.”
So what can you do to find your purpose?
A few years ago, a lot happened in my life, all at once. Â I started medical school, went through a bad break-up, got mono, faced my mother’s bladder cancer diagnosis, and had to have an emergency surgery of my own – all within the span of eighteen months. Â I fell into a pretty bleak depression. Â I was always a go-getter before that time: Â good was never good enough, great could always be better. Â And then I found myself in a situation in which I literally could not get out of bed. Â (Mono will do that.)
People always say that the hard times can teach you lessons, but I disagree. Â The hard times can only teach you lessons if you are ready and willing to learn. Â More often than not, people fall under the weight of the hard times, allowing their hopes and dreams to be crushed. Â It’s easy to do when sympathy comes cheap and the excuses are free. Â But eventually, if you want to rise, you have to overcome. Â The life expert Jim Rohn calls it “the day that turns your life around”; he says his was the day a Girl Scout asked him to buy a box of cookies for $2 and he realized he couldn’t afford it. Â For me, it was the day I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize my own eyes. Â Can you imagine? Â It’s a scary thing. Â My mom always said I had a “twinkle” in my eyes growing up, but it was gone. Â I was 25 years old and might as well have been 105.
I didn’t get my “sparkle” back easily. Â It’s still an ongoing process – a fight, you might as well say. Â Yet I will tell you, a life without a realized purpose is not a life worth living. Â If you are serious about having the best life you can possibly have, then you have to get serious about studying people with purpose. Â You have to become as serious about finding and executing your purpose as an engineer is about finding the solution to a complicated equation. Â Here are the best resources I’ve found on finding your purpose:
- The Day that Turns Your Life Around, by Jim Rohn. Â I recommend this as an audio book because Jim Rohn is as excellent and inspiring a speaker as he is an author. Â Plus, it’s easier to get books read passively in the car!
- Finding Your North Star, by Martha Beck. Â Probably the best book I’ve ever read on discovering what you are meant to do with your life. Â It’s no wonder Oprah recommended it – I had more “Aha!” moments reading this than any other book!
- The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, by Jack Canfield. Â Time-tested principles that can not only tell you what you are meant to do, but how exactly you can do it. Â Warning: Â It’s not easy. Â But it works.